he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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