I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize