I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
