I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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