I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
