If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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