Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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