Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it glows. i had to have it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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