I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
