There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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