So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize