If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So much rum. So many feels.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
