She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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