so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
