I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
