her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
