found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize