So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
