The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
