Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
