I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
