I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
