you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
