if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The air was thick with penises
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
