Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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