Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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