You're completely useless in the revolution.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
