Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
