Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
