I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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