I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
