Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Small penises have feelings too.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
