I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have aggressive nipples.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
