im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
