the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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