I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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