I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
