Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
