She's JV to your varsity
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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