Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
