The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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