Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
