and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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