rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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