Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
