Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
