Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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