nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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