Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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