Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
