tell your sister to shave her snatch
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
