i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
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