Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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