I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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