There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
