9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
