My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
