peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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