The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
