It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize