Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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