So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
