your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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