as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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