i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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