it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
