It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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