You're my little dorito
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
