seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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