ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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