No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
