Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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