Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I still have a little drunk in my system
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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