she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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