Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
