it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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