The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
