i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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