this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
