my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i came on her dog
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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