ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
